Derbi Della Synthetico

With another largely forgettable pre-season over (getting drunk in Winchester and Jersey aside!), it was finally time to get the proper stuff underway. And luckily for us, the Conference fag packet fixture computer gave us a nice attractive opening day match up with newly Promoted Maidstone. Who, like us, also have one of those new […]

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Let there be light!

You know that pre-season is grinding its way to a welcome conclusion when your occasional columnist is lumped with doing the blog twice in a couple of weeks. Attempts by the editorial board to feed me some old horseshit about being “the Fred Gee pitch specialist” and “the right man for the job” were just […]

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El Plastico Fantastico

It’s that time of year again when the football season is once more upon us for the next 9 odd months or something like that. And well, it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these write up things (as Duke reminds me every bleedin’ day of my life). Seeing as I missed most […]

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Stupid Cupid

Valentines morning in the Totter household. “Do you fancy going to Sutton United this afternoon sweetheart?” Mrs Totts; “Er, why?.” “Because its free for the ladies, and you’re worth it.” Mrs Totts; “Fuck right off.” Who said romance was dead? After a brief and pointless conversation with militant feminist daughter number 2 about whether Sutton’s […]

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Extraordinary Rendition

Its 12.15pm on Boxing Day and I am stationery on the M25 wondering just what the fuck has gone wrong with my life. Why I chose to go to Ruislip where Wealdstone play via the London Orbital motorway is down to one thing and one thing only, the voices in my head. They haven’t quite […]

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Deja Groundhog Day Vu

When some Herbert sends you a message on a Friday morning asking if you’d fancy doing the match day blog think long and hard before you reply. If you don’t then you too may end up opening a bottle of brandy at 9am on a Sunday morning, staring at a blank sheet of paper and […]

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Al Capone’s Fags

Another birthday recently came and went taking me just a few years away from the day when I am able to negotiate concessionary entrance with MarkN , the desert-booted guardian of turnstile A and custodian of the guitars when I have a gig straight after a home fixture.  In fact I still have the unrequited […]

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From Lithuania with Love (I sold my soul) – Drinking Abroad

Having witnessed history with Gibraltar’s first ever competitive match, the gang now find themselves in the car park of the Estadio Algarve. It’s 40km to Albufeira, they’ve got almost a full tank of gas, several packs of cigarettes, it’s dark and some of them are wearing sunglasses. Hit it Juan. With the game we came […]

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How do you follow that?

“Good morning, I’m from Sutton United Football Club.” That’s my new calling card as I signed up for accordion virtuoso AB’s roving sales force for the club and took to the streets of The People’s Republic of West Sutton on Thursday on my trusty old bike to distribute propaganda on behalf of the Great Leader […]

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