Tending the Garden

Having recently become an unemployed bum in waiting, this tends to give you a fair bit of time to yourself. It also tests one’s willpower. I mean, it would be easy to simply pull the duvet over your head and just lie stinking in your pit until midday before getting up and spending all day […]

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Hawaii Constabulary Style

It’s been a strange week. Like many other unfortunates across the country, I hauled my Turkey and Quality Street stuffed carcass out of bed on Monday and returned to work after the Xmas break. By Wednesday morning, I’d had my fill and coupled with old reservations about my employers, I’d done what can only be […]

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You Can Say No

When the news first broke about the fact we’d have to replay our FA Trophy tie with our 3rd Qual conquerors Concord, rather than getting the free pass we assumed their administrative faux pas would grant us, I personally wasn’t all that fussed. Mainly as the FA announced the rematch was set for Wednesday the […]

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Chicken Cup-A-Soup

You know what, I think we might have offended someone at the FA. I know I know, hard to believe a bunch of upstanding chaps such as ourselves upsetting anyone, let alone the national arbeiters of our beloved game. But there has to be something iffy going on when you consider the crappy draws the […]

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Dukey Don’t Camp

Football, it’s a bit of a passionate, tribal sport innit? I mean, ok it’s a lot softer and cuddly and safer than it used to be, but there’s something to be said for losing your shit occasionally. It can be quite cathartic. And I say that as someone who may have had a shout or two […]

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Can We NOT Play You Every Week?

Thank christ that’s over. If we don’t see Hemel sodding Hempstead FC ever again it’ll be too soon. Of course, it’s not really their fault, but those twonks at the our lovely governing body who’ve seen fit to give us them 3 years running in their poxy comps. And of course, with 2 of the […]

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Oxblood & Mustard

Now we don’t do this for the plaudits. Or money (Ha! If only!). No we do this writing about boozing and Non-League football for the sheer melonfarming love of it. And no awards or baubles or people blowing smoke up our arses is gonna change that in the slightest, oh no. Having said that though, […]

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The Great Semi of ’93

Occasionally, once every so often, when the planets are in alignment we here at Gandermonium are forced to scrub ourselves up, brush our hair, put on some clobber that isn’t an Amber football shirt and jeans and go to do adult stuff. Which as you’ve probably guessed by now, isn’t our specialist subject. We do […]

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Croque Monsieur

Now, everyone knows pre-season games are crap. We all know neither side is really taking it that seriously and there’s nothing at stake. So why would you bother? Usually, it’s just boredom that draws you in. A few weeks without football and you’ll watch any old pony. But, once in a while, someone dreams up […]

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