Where is Mein Handy?

I don’t know how some of those Division One supporters do it, as going to a match on the Lords day is a very strange experience. It probably didn’t help getting right on it after watching the Reserves up at Ice Station Banstead the day before. Some of that trip will no doubt be revealed in […]

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Dirt on the Bishop’s Finger

Ah, fourth round qualifying day, the time where you believe you’re only ninety minutes away from a plumper of a first round tie. Alas, once again we won’t be taking part in this year’s festivities as we slumped out in the round previously. Still its been many years that we’ve put a Cup & Trophy […]

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I Was There When Bignall Scored

Jack and Jill went up the Hill, To have some hanky-panky, silly Jill forgot her pill, And now there’s little Frankie. I’m here all week folks! A man once said “a week is a long time in football”, personally I think that a week is the same time in any walk of life but this […]

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Ceausescu Wasn’t There

Finally, the magic that is the second most important cup (after the Surrey Senior!) to us has started for the season that will forever be known as 2014/15. I do love the cup competitions because you get a chance to not worry about the ups & downs of the league for a change and sometimes you get […]

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One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

A woman sends her clothing to the dry cleaners. When it comes back, there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the cleaner: ‘Use more soap on panties’. This goes on for several weeks, with the woman sending the same note to the dry cleaners. Finally the cleaner […]

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What Did Marcus Say?

A tourist is in Sutton one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon. “Well,” replies the man, “The Sutton United ground is very close but they’re playing away today. If […]

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The Wrong Bookend

With a puff of smoke, the wheels of our plane land at Gatwick. The time is half past two, twenty minutes later than expected. For the past two days we’ve away doing what the Gandermonium Firm does best. But we won’t be discussing any of that little trip here, we’ll be leaving that little ditty for another […]

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Commit No Nuisance

Its Sunday morning. In fact its half past fuckin’ six on a Sunday morning. And where am I? East Croydon. I walk past MacDonald’s and there is this fella spread-eagled in front of the door, snoring away to his heart’s content. People are stepping over him to get inside the place, how could someone get […]

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It’s All Banter-ish

Yeah that’s right banter, bants, or even top b. Just some of the words that are used to describe some of the drivel that emits from our north & south every match. The things we say to each other on a daily basis would be on a totally different playing field to some of the messages that […]

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The Long and Winding Road

The day began with the usual stomp towards the station on a overcast Saturday morning. There was time for me to get some dollar out and grab a can of the old doctor before hitting up the ticket man for a one day travel card (£5.90 with a railcard). To my surprise I was not just met […]

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