Finally, the magic that is the second most important cup (after the Surrey Senior!) to us has started for the season that will forever be known as 2014/15. I do love the cup competitions because you get a chance to not worry about the ups & downs of the league for a change and sometimes you get […]
One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
A woman sends her clothing to the dry cleaners. When it comes back, there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the cleaner: ‘Use more soap on panties’. This goes on for several weeks, with the woman sending the same note to the dry cleaners. Finally the cleaner […]
From Lithuania with Love (I sold my soul) – Drinking Abroad
Having witnessed history with Gibraltar’s first ever competitive match, the gang now find themselves in the car park of the Estadio Algarve. It’s 40km to Albufeira, they’ve got almost a full tank of gas, several packs of cigarettes, it’s dark and some of them are wearing sunglasses. Hit it Juan. With the game we came […]
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What Did Marcus Say?
A tourist is in Sutton one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon. “Well,” replies the man, “The Sutton United ground is very close but they’re playing away today. If […]
It’s the Minnows from the Rock! – Football Abroad
Shut up shut up SHUT UP! I don’t have the best relationship with my alarm clock as it is to be honest, but when the little cuboid bastard is waking me up at 5am on a Sunday morning with his shrill electronic banshee howl, my dislike for him reaches even greater hammer attack inducing levels. […]
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The Wrong Bookend
With a puff of smoke, the wheels of our plane land at Gatwick. The time is half past two, twenty minutes later than expected. For the past two days we’ve away doing what the Gandermonium Firm does best. But we won’t be discussing any of that little trip here, we’ll be leaving that little ditty for another […]
How do you follow that?
“Good morning, I’m from Sutton United Football Club.” That’s my new calling card as I signed up for accordion virtuoso AB’s roving sales force for the club and took to the streets of The People’s Republic of West Sutton on Thursday on my trusty old bike to distribute propaganda on behalf of the Great Leader […]
Commit No Nuisance
Its Sunday morning. In fact its half past fuckin’ six on a Sunday morning. And where am I? East Croydon. I walk past MacDonald’s and there is this fella spread-eagled in front of the door, snoring away to his heart’s content. People are stepping over him to get inside the place, how could someone get […]
Rain Rain Go Away…
Have you ever been kicked in the bollocks? Have you ever fallen off your bike and smashed your crown jewels on the handle bars as you went over? Have you ever had a football fired at your knackers at 90 mph, and it’s smashed you so hard you fall to the ground in agony and […]
It’s All Banter-ish
Yeah that’s right banter, bants, or even top b. Just some of the words that are used to describe some of the drivel that emits from our north & south every match. The things we say to each other on a daily basis would be on a totally different playing field to some of the messages that […]