“Did you have a good Christmas?” Seriously, how many time do you get asked that inane question from Boxing Day onwards? The polite, and very British answer, is too say something equally brain-dead like “Yes. Quiet” Quiet? Bollocks to that. I always tell my unwanted inquisitor that I caught the Norovirus, cut my left bollock […]
Tag: Bornatotter
Castellas, Double Diamond & Donkey Jackets
Aldershot. A proper old fourth division side whose name will always remind me of James Alexander-Gordon reading out the scores on Sports Report back in the seventies on the Light Programme as my old man jacked up the heating in his Hillman Minx on the way back from GGL on a cold December Saturday tea-time. […]
You Can Keep Ya Bloody Thameslink
When is a bad day at the office made much worse? When does a simple little away trip to the arse end of London, drive you to the point of near exhaustion? If a midweek trip to Boredom Wood is bad enough, imagine having to spend over five hours trying to escape the place & […]
Half Man Half Biscuit
Tranmere Rovers. At home. On my birthday and on TV? When those balls drop into place in that sequence you get a feeling your luck is in and that if you bumped into Suzannah Reid in the Tesco’s car park and invited her into the van to check your jump leads she would drop her […]
The Smell Of Embrocation
“My wife said she fancied a romantic summer evening down by the Thames.” “Hampton Court?” “You’re not kidding, I could barely whip it out quick enough.” My favourite comedian of all time is music hall legend Max Miller – the Cheeky Chappie – banned for life from the BBC for his famous Blue Book of […]
Toilet Duck
As a god-fearing atheist Easter is probably my favourite of the religious holidays currently on offer although I still don’t understand why it is held on totally random dates or some of the highly strange licensing/shop opening hours that it throws up. As well as signalling the potential start of some warmer weather and longer […]
A Couple of Sovereigns
They say you learn something new everyday. And it’s total bollocks. In fact I am proud to say that I haven’t really learnt anything since about 1978 and in the words of the late, great Lemmy “That’s the way I like it baby, I don’t want to live forever.” But I may or not have […]
Sten Guns in Hackbridge
The festive spirit? Don’t get me fucking started. After a month of half-arsed and contrived piss ups by Christmas Eve I was flagging, so what did I do? Went to the Euston Flyer at lunchtime when the office closed for beer and whiskey and then headed south for a pre-arranged meet at the Hope in […]
Undercover, with a Carrier Bag full of Stripe
Bollocks, I knew I should have volunteered to do the Oxford game – a feisty Monday night encounter against a top side where we showed our mettle and should have really come away with all the points. A clear sign that we were pushing on – or maybe not? Like so many wannabes at this […]
Read More… from Undercover, with a Carrier Bag full of Stripe
Let there be light!
You know that pre-season is grinding its way to a welcome conclusion when your occasional columnist is lumped with doing the blog twice in a couple of weeks. Attempts by the editorial board to feed me some old horseshit about being “the Fred Gee pitch specialist” and “the right man for the job” were just […]